MANNERS: The Answer

To-day, an e-mail from Perth; hot there. A former Cafe WIM'Guest. Nice to see you all around this virtual table. A universal truth never "nailed" it. Anyway, what we are saying will be read around the world. Guests of Virtual Cafe WIM.

We are really pleased to be here, Wim. Especially, now we finally get to hear what your wealthy Mother said about manners. First-off, why does that have to come from a wealthy person? 

The rich are most always well-connected and get to hear what is advantageous and what's not. For example, in comes a foreign country representative to offer his letters and shakes hands with one hand in his pocket. Not appreciated.

Yes, that fellow was probably replaced by one better informed person on protocol, the well-circulated behavioural standards in C.D. circles. Now, to come to the meat: how did your Mother come to manners for all situations?

First-off, as I heard you say before, this "pure as gold" information is really meant to bring-up children, or to simply know about. You are all well-mannered because of parents who patiently instilled this same information in you. YOU all got it.

What, pray tell, did our parents instill in us, Wim? Please, spell it out.

Of course, I don't know what THEY did. It comes down to the same. I know what my Mother did, coming from a 19th century Father who was Governr General of The Netherlands' West Indies and a palace-residence in Curacao. She listened.

You are treading Caribbean Waters, Wim. Speed forward. What did she hear?

My Mother learned a lot from Oma and the way to grow an always highly appreciated person at the beginning of real Life. To get "in-form" to be presented to the world. To begin right at birth until age 7, then to adolescence.

How did she...

She did not teach. She "signalled." If the chld does the right thing, she smiles and shows extra affection. If the child is really proud of what has been done, she'll points at the child to someone and says, "well done don't you think?"

So, the child is really super proud of what was accomplished, yah, surely just bursting with pride, right?

Not only that, ladies and gentlemen. THE CHILD WILL NEVER FORGET IT. NEVER. That is the "pure gold" of upbringing. Building on that the child gets applaus after applaus, exactly -and ONLY, at the time of a big moment of excellence.

Yah, that sounds good. What happens if there is a highly unattractive moment?

My Mother would have a slight frown, look to her side, or in the distance. She quite clearly indicates a "no-no" and may at times push something across the table with which to do better job. The delicate manner of saying, "do better."

I think we all agree that this ever so patient signalled training was a part of our upbringing and you seem to be an "end-product" of that, Wim.

Why I tell YOU this is because I know by intuition and "vibes" in modern language that YOU are great "end products" and understand high points of civilization in 19th century. It is solid stuff that I am very pleased to have the chance to relate.

Good stuff indeed. We are going to make gentlemen out of these brats yet. Really nice chatting, Wim.

I also finished my coffee. Virtually nothing to clean off this Virtual Cafe WIm table. Philosophy comes more and more to the rescue. Happiness. There is a lot more good stuff to come, so come-by again a.s.s.p., you hear me?

Cheerio, Wim and our love to Iris.





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Latest comments

07.09 | 19:54

Delightful. Contact, nice and gentle makes my Big Day.
Love you totally.

07.09 | 15:12

Whether blogs or books, your way with words is both whimsical and interesting. You are a delightful inspiration - please keep writing! Happy Birthday Dad 💝

04.05 | 10:09

Hello. I too would love a copy of the book. I spent many a happy afternoon and evening at Wim in my teens. It was a home away from home.

14.03 | 15:21

Where oh where or How do i buy the book ? i cannot find it :(

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